i have a genuine complaint about my personality; i seem to get pushed around alot. i blame this on my incredibly obtuse set of moral codes. for example: in work, i will negotiate prices based on what i perceive as my client’s wealth, so the prices go up and down; same way for when negotiating salaries in my past full-time jobs, as i tend to go lower based on what i think i can be paid. at the end of the day what this has achieved is: i get shortchanged. SEVERELY. i overdo work and get underpaid REGULARLY. all because i try to HELP the client BEFORE i try to make money whenever i issue quotes.

like the last time i was unfairly treated at work, and i had ALL THIS EVIDENCE to TURN THE MOTHER FUCKING BITCHES in, i had ALL THIS POWER AT MY HANDS: photocopies of contracts between illegal immigrants, hours log with taxi receipts with hours BEYOND MOE max hour sanctions, LOG SHEETS with MY SIGNATURE on it, FRAUDULENT FINANCIAL RECORD SUBMISSION EVIDENCE, every piece of evidence, and i could have just turned them in, but i didnt do it. i didnt do it because i thought about the bitch’s daughter, her husband, the people i work with, the poor little Myanmar girl’s life and i didnt do it.

i dont regret that, but could you imagine? if i wasnt a good person, how many lives i would have wrecked?

and thats a running trend. I HAVE BEEN BULLIED MY WHOLE LIFE. IN EVERY WAY.

not NOTHING beats what i have gone through with my fucking relationship. first i settle for someone based on faith, then i let him treat me badly because i have faith that he’s the same person who i met, and from then on he bullies me non-stop because there is basically no consequence for doing so. i threatened to leave him over minor and major things over the 2 years of the relationship but my personality made it so that my threats were all EMPTY. if i was a harder ass, i think, i would have just not started the relationship and save me all this trouble of a broken heart and confused brain

so now it appears to me, that i have a choice to be made. i can either stop being bullied and stand up for myself, punish the people who SHOULD be punished, and just use whatever raw talent/power i have at my hands to gain satisfaction

because it has become apparent to me that while this blog started out as a way for me to work through my need for ragewriting, it has become a formidable asset. i have successfully hit page1 on specific targeted searches on niche topics, which is the EASIEST form of SEO possible, simply because of how OLD and LINKED blog.weissdom.com is. it REALLY is.

with great power comes great responsibility, right? and hell hath no fury than a woman scorned, right? so if you find out the fucking slut who approached your (then) bf claiming to want nothing more than studying, then makes the retarded proposal of LIVING with him, then once you break up officially with him, tells him tons of fucking flirty ‘OMG I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU’ bs, then goes on and pretty much basically hits the shit out of him,…basically proposes to go to vegas on my birthday PRETTY MUCH on PURPOSE and all this fucking slutty shit,  if you basically find out you were right all along

i have the power to punish this whore

all i have to do is write her full name

all i have to do is upload this shit

thats all i need to do

thats all

so why am i not doing it?

is being a good person more important to me than getting emotional satisfaction?

am i willing to be bullied AGAIN after this biggest crock of bullshit i have ever witnessed in my life?

so maybe im not a good person after all

because i REALLY dont see a reason for me to not do this right now.

craycray level from 1-10 right now: over 9000

BECAUSE IM SICK OF BEING BULLIED. ESPECIALLY BY SOMEONE I GAVE THE BEST OF MY YEARS TO. ESPECIALLY BY SOMEONE WHO I NEVER TRUSTED, NEVER LIKED, AND DESTROYED MY LIFE BY PROXY.

and seeing i have done nothing but make empty threats regarding these 2 for the last 8 months, i really think it might be time to stand up for myself.

…if only i didnt have a heart that is pretty much made out of GOLD. THAT is the MERCY fate gave YOU, yue, and that is more than what YOU ever gave ME.