feeling the pinch


whenever i get a bit too poor (and i am excessively so due to my state of general joblessness for 6 months), i do the classic thing of pinching every penny. that means every dollar every cent counts and i start to be paranoid about how much i am spending. so i start to cut back on everything i buy but still the old habits creep in and things become bad again



so i have spent approximately $4500 in the past 6 months, which is a lot of money considering the fact that i don’t do much at all. and obviously, i can’t justify it, which makes it all the worse

lately i have been dreaming about money. seriously. i spend most of my dreams wondering about my finances. if that is not a hallmark of adulthood i don’t know what is

which is really weird.

anyway, i switched my usenet service from giganews to a supposedly less awesome provider, only to find that it was actually way superior to giganews. this makes me sad. i spent a lot of money on giganews. i could have saved a bunch if i was way more savvy. ah.

either way i am not spending idle money any more. i am budgeting. for the next month i am going to survive on $100. i doubt i will make it but whatever.


joe’s flowers

the flowers all died. only the weeds bloomed, and even then not all of them did. what does this mean?

it could go either way. it could mean the relationship was doomed from the start and nothing can salvage it; or that i am a heinous florist.

in the spirit of being practical, i choose to believe the latter


christmas eve v.s. new year’s eve

i was watching alfie yesterday and the main character said, “christmas eve is the second loneliest day of the year”; the first being, of course, new year’s eve. its odd because my christmas eves are generally pleasant. small gatherings with friends to unspectacular places for a spectacular time, family gatherings with no christmas tree in sight but a lot of loving in the cramped space of our flat – either way it always goes well. which must mean i am blessed. 

new year’s eve, on the other hand, does get a bit lonely. i am almost always alone new year’s eve because it is a day that bodes of so many bad memories.  i general prefer contemplation to rowdy drunkendness and so i don’t go to countdowns; when you grow older and everything exhausts you, you tend to believe the way to tire yourself out is best done in solitude, and not smelling like vomit in the dawn of a new year. last year’s new year’s eve was tragic because a lot of fighting was going on and no one was all too pleased with the way we spent it. we watched terrible fireworks and inhaled a lot of residual smoke.  no one smiled when the clock struck 12; even though the contraband of the singapore sky lit up the night. 

so i don’t really want to think about new year’s eve this year. i am kinda hoping i can spend it alone and have no questions asked. i think i really do have social anxiety. or maybe that’s just an excuse i made for myself so i can avoid people altogether.

one response to feeling the pinch

  1. Joe Says:
    December 31st, 2008 at 1:52 am

    I blame Sally from singapore flower shop!!

tell me something good


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