myopic

bit of a bother today trying to sort out my feelings. not too much of a trouble though. had a fight with my mother after confronting her on opening my letters, annoucing to the living room her counts and misdeeds of invading into my privacy. i don’t like it. i tolerated it in the past because i didn’t give her cause to trust me but in the past 5 years i have been nothing but a good girl so i don’t know why i deserve this rubbish.

the way i see it, there is respect and then there is concern. sometimes the latter comes after the former but most of the time the latter masquerades itself as the former. and that’s just not right.

no matter what i do i feel pretty trapped. read my chat logs, thought about my relationship, think about what kind of demonic insurgent feelings i have had to fight in the past month, clarified my feelings with nick, thought about joe, remembered allan, and temporarily wondered what life would be like if i had never deviated from my record of not cheating.

i mean, honestly. what kind of a girl am i now. just some clingy whiny insane bitch who hasn’t got a clue what she wants out of life for herself, so all day long she just looks elsewhere to make life more…meaningful.

tragic.

don’t know what i want out of life still. mainstream wisdom denotes this feeling of confusion as typical and acceptable. nick said that 25 is the new 21 – when in the past, 21 year olds are expected to get their lives sorted out, that life-changing sort of thing has been delayed to 25, so i have really only less than  year to get there

frankly, i doubt i will ever… be able to.

charm. girls all have charms. the charm of a girl differs from age to age, and i had it all down for a while. pretty girl with solid skills in the bedroom and an intellect strong enough to display in public – the younger the more impressive. it was easy.

now it’s pretty hard. when you are this old it gets to you. you just don’t have the capital for that shit anymore.

being stuck in the world of young people is hard when you haven’t a clue on how to grow younger, except act completely childish.

fuck that. i don’t need anybody who can actually replace me, walk away and turn back on me because he is sleepy. i don’t need someone who can’t take my bitching and whining, while i take his all day long. i don’t need anyone who hasn’t given me ANYTHING but promises, and even then my faith falters from his secret keeping. i mean honestly, who do you take me for? i’m this good, i am this beautiful, i am this strong

don’t need nobody.



2 responses to myopic

  1. ???? ???? ????? ??? Says:
    October 17th, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    ???? ???? ????? ???

    2009

  2. pelatihan keren Says:
    March 18th, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    pelatihan keren

    myopic


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