Archive for May, 2009


09
May
[2009]


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happy mothers day, my dearest mom

part zwei tomorrow!!

16
May
[2009]


$153


100% not worth it, but the highlights are pretty

YEAH I KNOW I AM FAT NOW shhhhhhuttttt uppppppp

21
May
[2009]


how do these people with lives upkeep their virtual diaries and presence!?!?

anyway…i made lynda icons for my dock! they are super duper. here’s how i use them:

 having all my lynda training videos saved to a disc or a virtual image, i then keep them handy in a folder and access them chapter by chapter. it’s way better than the outdated GUI from lynda.com; i also handle the exercise files in a similar fashion, so i get ahead with my learning much much faster than i ever would if i had to navigate through the GUI via explorer.

it’s fun doing this, and i highly recommend everyone subscribe to lynda.com; its a great way to learn some soft technical skills!

22
May
[2009]


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“because if you are not yourself…then who are you?”


get ready, fragments ahead

1. job interview. thats right, singular, not plural. in my slowpoke fashion in jobseeking i applied for only one job. i got to the pivotal ‘second round’, didn’t do so good down there, and i suppose no clandestine powers were in purview to save me one more time. that’s alright. i’ll wait for the ‘result’ of that 4pm golf-club job interview for a marketing executive and move on. wonder how depressed i will be. more importantly, i wonder how long it will be for me to stop being depressed…

2. brandy’s human album = super duper. here, play it from start to finish – i don’t know how anyone with an iota of feeling could dislike it. k shallow sentiments, overused beats, who the fuck gives a true fuck – i like the feeling it gives me. like a friend who knows what i have been through, what i am thinking…what i am feeling. that’s good music. that’s a reason to love music.

3. relationships. me and him are so good now, i think i may jinx it simply by mentioning it, so maybe that’s why i don’t often celebrate the both of us. but we have so much reason to do it; i think i am slowly becoming less muddle-headed, learning to be less demanding… appreciating all the small things… so maybe, i don’t have all the trust in the world for him now, as i used to do, but i think, i strongly believe (i put some strength in typing that word ‘strongly’ right there) that we AREN’T who we were a month ago; we are so close to who we fell in love with. one another. i am strong again. i can love myself again. i feel in control. like i know what i am doing and i know why i am doing it; and he is not the reason to live… he just makes living worth it. i smile thinking of his face. 5 minutes of just us is enough to help me through the next 24 hours of missing him.

that’s my heart. it knows what it wants and i am not fighting it with suspicion and painful paranoia and insecurity; i see these feelings… i recognize they are mine… but i know i can be more than them; they are mine, but they aren’t me.

better this way.

4. i cried a little bit because of what i thought about while writing #3. crying is an interesting feeling. i often think about my life in terms of the other people i have met in my life, i think of my family and i believe i know how i can make their lives better — what i can buy them, what i can say to them, what i can do for them, and i do those things. but here is the tragic truth. i don’t know them completely. they keep secrets from me. they keep secrets from EVERYONE. something they tell one group of people, they withhold from another group.

i found out my sister is smoking. for the first 5 minutes i was angry. then the anger went away. we know all the reasons why we shouldn’t do something bad, but we do it anyway.

i think of my life and the people i’ve known, what had become of them and what they were doing at the point in which i met them. the smokers the drinkers the juvenile delinquents with a thieving tendency, the addicted the dropouts the artistically talented who choose to relinquish it all for a path preapproved by society, the smart the stupid the slow but persistent, the tenacity in which everyone worked at what they thought wanted, and the sad fact that none of them knew exactly what it was. the elusive life goal. i think of them and i believe, i am so lucky, i came out unscathed. not a smoker, not a drunk, never injected drugs or sniffed glue voluntarily, never fought (enough to warrant bleeding), never had to give up much in life

i am so ok. i am so lucky. i lived vicariously, i took from them those poor moments in life that they had because of the life choices they had made and i retained the wisdom to rise above the misery, my own misery; so i never ended up becoming part of any big group permanently, i never had to look to satisfy myself with a persistent peerage, i was always so happy to be alone

maybe thats why i don’t stick around long, whoever it is that i choose to be around. i know the human spirit is so flawed and thoroughly fallible… that whoever i want to love, the people i choose as friends…if i stuck around longer, i would know that they too are far from perfect.

better to keep them in my mind as the great individuals i have thought them to be.

5. games!!!!!! i got new games!!!!!! and they are fun. but i still go back to guild wars. “better the devil you know”, i guess.

6. i am learning korean. i am surprisingly good at it. ok, that’s a lie, but i actually learnt the korean alphabet. i am so happy about it. now i can look up songs.

7. thats all i guess. soooo much for fragmented ranting….

24
May
[2009]


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i was having a pretty bad one

i’m tired and groggy, i have work i don’t particularly feel like touching (it’s almost done but i am so supremely unhappy with what i have right now), i haven’t touched my portfolio in a week (done designing, needs coding and adjustments, preparatory work), i saw like 10 different jobs i am somewhat interested in but i can’t bring myself to apply for any of them, my computer has this terrifying dirty bit that i can’t get rid of (i think, although it seems like alles klar now considering how that problematic folder has disappeared), i want to go swimming but i have the flu (wouldn’t be socially irresponsible to go swimming in public pools when you are sick), i haven’t taken a single good photo in forever, i am poor, my blog almost broke itself (after trying to troubleshoot it for ages i realized i had accidentally taken out the include for ‘footer’ for plugins, which is just completely stupid on my part, but i couldn’t see it with the generated html), i am so mad about my coding, i have no discipline whatsoever and my code just ends up being this chunk of general !important;s which is just so dirty and disgusting, i have to go in for a meeting at 8 in the morning tomorrow, its going to suck because i’m going to have to face the human rush, i just want to spend some time with my boyfriend and have a happy time so i can embark on the tumultuous task of preparing for work and shit, i don’t even remember why john wants me to go in tomorrow, and i am supposed to have fucking brekkie with him, i don’t know what is with his obsession with trying to feed me, every time we talk we are always talking about either lunch or dinner, i am hungry now, i just had a hotdog and it was all i could do to not think about the intestines and guts and whatever they probably had thrown into the sausage filling, uggghhh, and i farted like 40 times today, LOUDLY, with no apologies

and im fucking whiny as shit, i just want to relax. and laugh. and forget what is plaguing me. because i shouldn’t be plagued. i am lucky in every sense and i need to stop thinking so NEGATIVELY FOR FUCK’S SAKE

but i swear, i was so mad earlier, i slammed my fists on my table over nothing.

-edit-
after reading all that shit i realized how ungrateful i am so i am going to write about stuff that made me happy; coraline and fanboys dvdrips have been released yippitydoodly, my blog is super awesome looking, i fixed my blog problem and now it is better than it ever was and i got twitter to work on it too!!!!, my hotdog was quite delicious, my boyfriend is extremely nice to me lately and has been very understanding and encouraging and more sensitive than he has been in the past and that makes me super duper happy too, my hair looks fucking amazing (forget the bad pix i swear the color is sooooooooooo pretty), i have a hot closet and tons of accessories to go with it (i opened my box of jewelry and i saw all this stuff other people had given me over the years and i was like, wow, i’m glad i bothered to box up this stuff, they give me such great memories), i made a new cellphone charm for my incredislow sony ericcsson w910i so i might actually feel attracted enough to use it some day, my glass for drinking now matches my placemat +10000 after 10 years (literally!!!!!), wonder baby was super cool, i fixed my ikea mirror from my friends YAY!!!!!!! now it stands up without falling over wOOO, my speakers that i mounted to the wall with BLUE TAC hahahaha have stayed up for like a month now (lolLLLL), i have this month’s Mina on my bed (:D) and the stuff in there still looks amazing, my illustrator skills are so up2par now, i have BATTLE FORGE!!!! although it sucks, i got my dad the PERFECT father’s day gift ($210 book called ‘condensed chemist’s dictionary’, he’s been wanting it forever), my computer looks magnificient (i am the best themer in the world), and my room is a swanky 24degrees celcius while outside it is 32 degrees celcius (“feels like 40″), when i went out for my job interview on tuesday there were tons of butterflies around and i felt like i was in fairy tale land, my SHOES don’t kill any more, I GOT THE BEST BANGING JOB INTERVIEW OUTFIT EVERRRRRRR for a hundred bucks (do not tell anyone), my 30mm f1.4 is still the best lens to ever exist, my MOTHER IS THE BEST MOTHER EVER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, i solved my sister’s multiple computer problems (SUCK THAT ADOBE DIRECTOR), i finished boys before flowers, i am getting better at this hangul thing…. and yeah my life is pretty GREAT. :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

30
May
[2009]


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one of them…soon.

from becoming one of them
must… blog… before… its… too… late
yeaaaaaaaaaaaah.

1. big bang feat. 21 – lollipop: you need to tell me why i haven’t gotten sick of this song after literally 100 repeats. i still sing along when that dude goes “nae sarang bling bling like LED”. something is wrrrrrong with me.

2. hot hot hot and humid humid humid: long hot summer is becoming too big of a cliche here. i need this worthless weather to cool itself off so i will stop contributing to global warming via the excessive use of the air conditioner.

3. i am watching myself dance to lollipop on webcam…idk.

4. job… got a job… dunno, i don’t think i want to talk much about it yet. i’m not excited… i’m not happy… i’m not grateful… i am just wishing this weekend lasts forever :( because come monday, i will never have more than 5 hours to myself before falling dead asleep. 9.5 hour work day? which worthless fool devised this period? that is so FUCKING ridiculous.

5. maybe i have the swine flu. i am not even shitting you. went to raffles hospital for a pre-employment medical check-up and there were so many sick people around… i am so stupid, i shouldn’t have gone to a hospital; i thought that a hospital would have more resources and hence be able to complete the medical faster…WRONG. fucking hospital took FOREVER to do anything. i said ‘fuck’ like 20 times in 5 minutes because of how BORED and COLD i was waiting for the GOD DAMN WORTHLESS SHIT OF A CHECK UP TO COMPLETE. and when i was COMPLETELY DONE, i had to queue up at the WORTHLESS COUNTER to PASS MY FUCKING FORM to a NURSE. there must’ve been like 5 of them who went and came repeatedly, totally ignoring those of us who were just waiting for them to just TAKE A PIECE OF PAPER FROM US. NOT THAT HARD. YOU COULD HIRE A MONKEY FOR A JOB LIKE THAT. BUT NOOO. WE HAD TO STAND AND WAIT AROUND LIKE IDIOTS.

6. you have no idea how mad raffles hospital made me. singapore is a horrible place with people who have no manners and terrible service, no matter what industry you are in. the moment they are not serving a person who is white, they show their true colors. the only way you get some attention around service is to put on a fake western accent and fool them into thinking you are not a heartlander. cos the moment you reveal your heartlander status, they just tell you to shove off and wait while they, i dunno, scurry worthlessly and gossip amongst themselves while the phone rings off the hook the whole time. to be fair, they weren’t REALLY gossiping, but STILL………… they made a lot of worthless idle talk which THEY SHOULD HAVE SPENT JUST TAKING A PIECE OF PAPER. FROM ME AND THE 4 OTHER PPL WHO WERE WAITING.

7. calm..the..fuck..down..weiss.

8. big bang is so cool

9. my $210 book shipped, cool

10. i dont want to fucking go to work for fuck’s sake seriously this is pissing me off so much lololol.

11. i put on too much weight during my holiday but i am fairly confident that working will make it go away

12. i bought my brother and sister left 4 dead, i tried playing it, it only made me sick

13. my mom is pissing me off, she keeps saying shit like, “don’t be short-tempered at work”, “you have to be responsible for yourself and wake up on time”, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULL SHIT. I AM THE ONE WHO GOES TO SCHOOL ON HER OWN ACCORD. I HAVE BEEN WORKING 4 WHOLE FUCKING YEARS WHILE AT UNI. I MADE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY OFF MY UNI LOAN BY THE TIME I GRADUATED. IF IT WASN’T FOR MY DAD IT WOULD HAVE ALL BEEN PAID FOR NOW INSTEAD OF ME HAVING TO PAY IT OVER AGAIN. i am well-respected by my co-workers, well thought of by my peers and very sought after by my clients. AND FOR SOME FUCKING REASON SHE THINKS I AM SOME GIANT BABY WHO IS INCAPABLE OF BEING IN A WORKING ENVIRONMENT. i am SO FUCKING MAD SO MAD SO MAD SO MAD

14. SEE THIS WORK SHIT IS NO GOOD FOR ME.

15. make time stop so i don’t have to think about this again.