Archive for June, 2009


06
June
[2009]


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weekend… halleluuuujah


was late to work on friday (by 10 minutes…) but got lucky enough to see a rainbow as a result!!! that made me smile! who gives a fuck that i almost fell off the bus afterwards? :P

there goes my first week at work, during which i have done nothing but whine every single night to him and he has done nothing but listen and be encouraging. i can’t ask for anything more. =)

still not so used to the rhythm of working life; in some ways i feel a bit liberated from the mundane humdrum of not having no real responsibility or purpose in life, but the exchange of that for a cycle beyond my control can be too much for me. i hate that i have to answer to someone else, some other people, whom i truly don’t care about…

guess i am learning some stuff though. i don’t want to write about work, even though it took up 50 hours of my life this week. that’s how much i don’t care. and i hate that i don’t.

but friday made up for everything: went to watch night at the museum 2 with my cousin elvina (the darling of my life!), my aunt and my family (-dad…). it was so fucking hilarious and thoroughly enjoyable, and i felt all the stress and dissatisfaction and unhappiness from the week of being part of the Working Society dissipate.

elvina is so much older now; i still have fond memories of the times she tortured me with her tactical attention-getting antics – like when we had to baby sit her during the holidays and she would wake me up at 8AM and i would have to put on the telly and throw on George of the Jungle just so she would sit still… or her wonderous expression when she first tasted campbell soup, how magical it was to her that the gloopy can of stuff could become a delicious soup; or the times when we ate jumbo hot dogs with cheese in the middle and the squirts that she made when she bit on the ends too hard; now she is going on 12. time flies too fast.

family sat down and we talked until 3 am. it was weird to see how we could all relate to each other despite not having spoken for months. all the youngsters are joining the workforce now i guess and our grievances are common; i called our plights and refusal to comply to stupidity a genetic fault, and everyone laughingly agreed. whatever reasons we might have personally, our judgments of others beside us stick out like a sore thumb – we can’t deal with stupidity. not when we were 16, not now when we are 20, not ever even when we are 30 or 40 – as evidenced by my very angry working aunts. i love this family. i love how we swear in front of each other, how we are suddenly enamoured by the korean culture; i love how strangers are roped in, never leaving anyone out; i love the delicious bbq we always have, the endless rowdiness that just spontaneously happens whenever we are together; this energy i can never explain. this energy i am blessed to have even ever experienced once in my life =)

11
June
[2009]


More whining

This post is likely to be full of typos considering that I am writting this from my ipod. I wanted tfo blog but I wanted to lay down since it’s already pretty late here but whatever.

So it’s been about 10 days since I started work and I estimate I’ve spent about 60 hours a week at work. I get no OT, I’m still on probation, I’m working on other people’s portfolios and yeah I pretty much hate my job.

Now I have to work on Sundays too.

Basically i hate my life.I think the reason why I resent all these tradeoffs so much is because I did not want the job in the first place; the sincere truth about working there is, I fantasizes a good time to escape the question of “what do you want to when you graduate?” and seeing as I had no wellrespected ideas on that, I went with a fantasy scenario that I somehow haphazzardly (is that a real word?) fell into. This is typically described as a dream come true, no?

But for me it’s been nothing but uneasiness, disgruntleness and grumbling. Yesterday I was designing something from home and I got so hooked that I kept on going way past my bedtime. I knew I was going to be groggy and tired but I didn’t mind or care. I was just so damn happy to be dong what I love

I tried to take the advice of the wise and of those before me. But this is just one of those situations where I am so thoroughly unhappy at the core of me that I blame myself for not heeding my heart’s calling and just worked in a media agency. I keep taking my love for design for granted, secondguessing it’s value at every turn. But design is a life skill. It’s analytical and demanding as it is constantly evolving; it requires commitment and it’s a discipline that is so fundamentally instinctive that it’s definition can never be compartmentalized enough to present in general terms. It’s subtle it’s specifc and it’s so deliberate. But it’s emotional and wellprincipled, classic and modern, all this control that’s toted by the threads of creativity you must have to survive in this industry

And when I think design I FEEL passion, like I haven’t felt for anything else. Marketting seems so one-dimensional in comparison. Like the end goal is s fundamentaly tied to sales that there is little integrity or sincerity underlying the process. It’s almost like an empty shell that is entirely self serving by nature. I really hate it.

What’s worst is I ark with people who act like designers but have no skills to create and so they delegate the work to angency or someone who will just do as they say. They want their creatives done the way they want it, fuck whatever design rationale that may lie behind it. If it’s not done their way, it’s not done right. So why hire designers if they like to play designer so much? Oh wait…cos they are too stupid to learn the know-how to do the work. And even if they did try, their sense of asthetics will just result in generic work that has no value.

They wouldn’t k ow what to do Unless it was written all in black and white for them.

I hate this job……….

19
June
[2009]


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i do it for love love love


man i read my last post and lol’ed so hard. the typos made me sound like a complete imbecile. it was great comic relief.

i got to work this weekend again (figures)…everyone picks on the rookie, give me the shit bits of the job that doesn’t count for much but is hella annoying to do, make me come back during weekends knowing i can’t say no since i am under probation, blahdittyblah

how much can a person fucking complain?!? honest to fuck! i am so sick of hearing myself whine!!!

actually its odd that i am all super negative here because i have been more proactive and less complaining in view of what i’ve been shoved with this week; i am getting busy… which is sort of a plus and minus thing. i definitely need to work from home, in fact every night this week i have just been working after i come home… but i think its not so much “oh my fucking god i have to do this again” but more “lets make this greater than great”. that’s alright by me.

i got assigned my first ‘big’ project… my supervisor is walking me through it since i have no marketing experience but i am pretty excited! i delivered 2 electronic direct mailers and produced one of them myself (teehee), made a logo, set people straight on the holy path of technology, stole local admin rights on my computer (shh!!!!), made new friends at the office, finished workshop and left a great impression on at least 3 people, learnt to make 2 types of balloon animals , battled giddiness and migraines, slept soooo very little, endured a computer with 512mb of ram (srsly wtf it ran out of memory trying to open a 12mb jpeg in photoshop W T F), resisted the temptation to just take $1k and get a decent lappy to do shit on (i am not spending money on work they pay me too little as it is) and had an incredible week with the bf. good fucking shit. :)

tmr the nightmare starts, i am so sure. everytime i am thankful and stuff, shit just conveniently hits the ceiling fan

19
June
[2009]


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no parking? lol, park you

123456

freaking peacocks they are everywhere

21
June
[2009]


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sandy good times woo

soooo hotttttt

didn’t bring the big gun out today so i have crappy photos again,… i was scared it was going to get stolen

i’m abit stuck between writing about what happened and just being philosophical in general; i wrote like 5 paragraphs about the beach party then i realized it was not even remotely interesting for anyone other than me to read so i deleted it all

so, life lessons:

1. i suck at doing simple things, i get nervous and scared and freak out even when i am a perfectly intelligent girl

2. how often have you looked at someone who is fucking up and wondered how it was possible to screw up something as mind-numbingly simple as “THAT”? yeah. i was that dude who was always wondering how people fuck up simple shit like making links on a webpage, and today i had to be in the shoes of people who i always criticize and i found myself failing, as they had. interesting, no?

3. i used to think that singapore is a city full of colorless personalities. people who are such shells that you just can’t see any depth in their person. but today i met alot of people who were very different. there was this paranoid dude who was skulking around for freebies, some androgynous girls/boys who were being absolutely cool with their behavior, people sitting around and just having a ball doing nothing but laugh and play with a beach ball, drag queens who have no shame in their flamboyance and were just so totally chill that i wanted to facebook them on the spot (but of course i didn’t…)… and then there were the surprising people who seemed so cool on the outset but are such turnoffs in our 1-to-1s. goes to show you can never assume too much about life ANYWHERE, even in metropolitan cyclic life singapore

4. on my way home there were some malay people hanging around my seats, some chinese national girls sitting in front of me, a rowdy bunch of german expats being completely obnoxious in german (they were going, “anyone understand german here?” and i didn’t respond, so they went on yakking off some really annoying shit in german. suck it i understand you, i just cant be arsed to reply) and some chinese singaporeans walking and standing near me… and that’s kinda like how singapore has always been. i could hear like 4 different languages and speaking styles all at once and completely understood what was going on. you know how some people say that the normality of a child is the perception he is acquainted with in his growth; that his surroundings allow him to create an identity that he can relate to in order to “become” his own person? well, i just realized today that i am really blessed to live in a world where the race of an individual matters SO LITTLE in the merit of him or her, that i can walk into any area and never have to deal with the issue of segregation, that the “majority” is of so little value when you look at things in a micro-perspective… am i being overly idealistic? sure! but do i give a fuck? no! i’m just happy that i am not tainted with racism, that even though my parents and family are racist i just AM NOT

5. natasha bedingfield is cool

28
June
[2009]


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do we have a problem here? you tell me

total expenditure on saturday was around 650!