im so tired that i cant even go to bed

i hurt all over my body and i feel like i might suffocate in my sleep

and this exhaust is driving me insane because apparently when your body is in pain you can’t really go to sleep

last time i felt so abused was when i was in netball training
which fyi was the worst time of my life

today was a logistical nightmare that just reaffirmed the stupidity of my company; i listened to people argue about the technicalities in a way which i could not fathom would ever exist in a wholly intelligent world. ok, scratch that, you dont even need a wholly intelligent world for this to NOT happen. you just have to be reasonably not stupid.

the whole beach strip was littered with crazy and drunk people, i had to run back and forth between barricades and smile and make stupid jokes about right hands and a great new year while fondling with dumb tags and the most insane carpet armhairs i have ever seen (some of those arms felt like carpets…..) while being yelled at by people who were supremely unhappy because of all the waiting they had to do

which i thought was really funny, this one guest had every intent to yell at me but as he looked at my miserable and apologetic face, his tone never matched his words – he sounded less and less angry even if his words were meant to be irate…

i smiled inside, thank god for small fortunes. most people could tell i was trying my best to help.

doesn’t really matter though when you dont have authority. my sales director totally stepped up and led the crowd, i was thinking, man isn’t this something that my events director should be handling? the head of the division stood at the gates surveying the situation while all of us ran amok, easily distracted by one guest’s complaints while others stood by wondering how things could be so severely unorganized

sometimes i really wonder where on earth did we get the idea that we could ever be considered ‘world class’ – i don’t think i have ever seen such low standards of organization in my entire life.

i was briefed for a total of 2 minutes, i had to figure out things all by myself, i tried to assist people to my best abilities but at the end of the day i mostly had to turn away begging people and tired crowds with my most apologetic smile. i had to deal with rude policemen, fedup third parties, inefficient management, and i was part of this whole mechanism that, by my estimate, made at least 1,000 people most unhappy in the last 24 hours.

by the time it was 12:00am, the crowds were still stuck at the entrance, struggling to get through. as they tried to make the best of that hour, i could not help but feel that we failed them all. as the crowds thinned out, with many who purchased tickets walking off instead of continuing to attempt to go in, my manager cheerily gasped and said, “now we can all go off early!”

i was dumbfounded by her lack of foresight in not realizing how badly we had managed to fail the expectations of people who had invested in having a good new year’s eve with us.

i can’t stress enough, that this could possibly have been the worst new year’s eve i have ever had. and what’s worse is, i am certain that i am not the only one today who thought so. every turn was an obstacle, a queue, a line that only grew longer and longer and not shorter. different answers given by different people to the same questions, none of them sure enough to pass on their answers as the “official” answers – so some people jumped back and forth, queuing for hours and hours. i wish i could stop remembering the yelling, the pushing, the endless queries.

i was told that we needed to come back and help due to a lack of manpower. i believe now, truly, that it is not that – it is simply because those in charge of the logistics were not able to foresee what kind of management we needed and so just asked for every resource possible while having no idea on how to allocate those resources. at my tent, we stood side by side, about 6 people idling as the night crept past 10, leaving only 4 due to boredom incurred by the other 2, to deal with angry mobs who were being shuffled back and forth 2 locations just to get TAGGED. disorganization aside, the maddening inflexibility of the management, not being able to do small favours of assess the situation accordingly so as to avoid antagonizing an already frustrated crowd …. those things.. those things drove me mad…

i wish i could just find a way to forget the last 10 hours of my life. except for the ride home, i really didnt enjoy anything at all. not even the beer dudes who lingered around to talk, and ask me questions, or the guys who replied to my “steady lah”s with “i’m single, not steady”, and winks to top it off; the girls were all so beautiful, and the men weren’t actually bad looking tonight. i was so confused.


in retrospect, i think this year might be one of the best years of my life. i started last year.. doing.. something. no idea what. oh actually i think i went to malaysia. no idea. i graduated with no idea on what i wanted to do with my life, i stuck with a person who really wasn’t worth sticking with, i listened to my heart and ignored it for once, i made a bad decision to join a terrible company but in the end gained so many friends that it seems almost worth it to have suffered all these injustices which i have in the last 6 months. i met people that i would otherwise never speak to, i learnt to judge people by what they do and not what they say, i let my often soft heart harden a little bit more and that made me all that more real. i got my iPhone which has so much so enriched my life… i got a macbook and that has increased my networth in the working world (haha)… i learnt to make sacrifices on my personal desires for the ‘greater good’… i got my heart broken and fixed in the same month, i met this incredible guy who i truly want a future with (no if’s or but’s, just… just.), i dream about a future that’s more and more real as each day pass by. i could see 2010 being great. no, actually, i know that 2010 will be wonderful.

for all those reasons i have said before, i now realize that me, as a girl, as a woman, it will always be as such. i will always be okay. with or without a man, in this world or another, as long as i stay strong and think. just THINK. i think i will be genuinely okay.


so, bad new year’s eve, but so what? unlike what the media might persuade you to think, one experience doesn’t define anything. at all.

i’ll be hoping and making my 2010 dream come true. :)

2 responses to im so tired that i cant even go to bed

  1. ????? ?????? Says:
    November 27th, 2014 at 7:46 am

    ????? ??????


  2. Juan Says:
    December 13th, 2014 at 11:34 pm


    im so tired that i cant even go to bed

tell me something good


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