Archive for June, 2010


10
June
[2010]


heart2heart with my computer. TOPIC: STOP BEING SO FKN EMO


sometimes i just need an escape and it used to be this writing thing. i find solace in words, i like the rhyme and rhythm, the way things sound in my head, even if i don’t know how to pronounce half of them
actualization is difficult for people with short tongues

so epic. last week was insane drawing millions and millions of pixels worth of shit, typesetting stuff repeatedly, missing deadlines, falling so ill that i can’t stay awake for more than 6 hours a day, struggling to stay alive… and on these two days of rest i was still feeling super sick. i slept for the majority of today again. oh my.

my throat aches :O( i keep coughing but there is no runny nose or bad sinus, just terrible cough… im convinced my parents spreaded it to me. my dad at least cos he was coughing for a month straight.

bf said to drink more oJ so i bought 2 cartons of oJ today.
sigh

i dunno why i stopped writing. i think at first it was cos it seemed like i never had anything good to say, then it became something like i never had anything nice to say…slowly, it became that i do not know what to say. what’s there to say, so much so that i yearn for my thoughts to be set free. these days i prefer them to remain caged, so they don’t run amok in my head, terrorizing any sort of pleasantry that i might be so lucky to still have.

me in writing is so different. there’s a bit more rationality to it, and even when i am emotional i am still somewhat logical about how i feel. instead of wanton bewilderment and absconding reason to sit soaked in my own tears, the devil may care attitude only surfaces when i am feeling a need to be empowered. i am COHERENT. i dont need to compose myself in order to be so. in a way i think i might be better off, if i found my way back there. looking at the old blogs do make me feel like a much stronger person than i have been acting of late.

i dont even know if i owe it to myself, to chronicle my life’s happenings, or to simply write emotionally like i am used to. watching people’s lives advance, i am envious, i wish to be one of them, to actually live in bliss of knowing what tomorrow WILL come, and if life has any surprises it is not due to lack of due diligence, but of uncertain circumstance and happenings

i mean, a girl who is 25, for fuck’s sake, shouldn’t she be a lot less prone to emotional outbursts, to stop dramatizing every bit of how she “feels” like the whole world revolves around it?? i should know, there are bigger things, there are bills to pay, children are dying, and the headlines scream of a self imposed Armageddon that mankind has yet to deign critical. oil spills destroying an entire ocean’s ecolife, technological imperialism backfiring in lieu of suicidal workers, starving children and kids with no future because of a lack of education…

and here, i sit indulgent…
i mean
COME THE FUCK ON
WAKEW THE FUCK UP
THERE’S MORE TO LIFE
THAN YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS
JERMINE TAN
GET OUT OF THIS RUT
DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR
IF YOU EVER GET UPSET
SLAP YOURSELF
AND TELL YOURSELF
THAT NOTHING
CAN HAVE CONTROL OVER YOU LIKE THIS
AND IF YOU TRULY WANT TO LIVE
YOU NEED TO STOP LETTING ANYTHING DO THIS TO YOU
INCLUDING YOURSELF.
AND IF ANYONE MAKES YOU FEEL THIS SHITTY
TO FUCKING HELL WITH THEM

yeah.
that ma anthem,
and now i feel much better. :D

21
June
[2010]


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hmm

cant type chinese

25
June
[2010]


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universal studios singapore


i oc’ed my desktop today
WIN
ITS SO MUCH FASTER NOW
its weird!
D:

got to backdate all these amazing fkn photos i have
cos i oc’ed, i can use lightroom!!!!!!
and i got lightroom 3 so its a blast. i am learning new software again!

grandma passed away peacefully on 23/6/2010. it was a long struggle for her to go, and i am glad she is not around to witness the petty quarrels and mindless squabble her sons are still inclined to have. i have not gone down to the funeral place at all, i am feeling some guilt, but to distance myself away from the madness that ensues from it all…. is much better than to play hypocritical pity party. so its alles klar.

yyx got something that made him very happy. :D