where do i begin

stressed. depressed. like emo to the max.

its that time of th emonth again and no… not the period.

im lacking serious cash, my last pay check is not coming in any time soon, and the last pay check i was suppose to get is being chewed to bits by a rogue client.

so i have to start looking for a job again. i registered on a job website yesterday in a slight panic and i have gotten a few requests to view resume.

unfortunately i am not ready for that.

i still don’t know what i want to do.

my last job was an interesting combination of learning new things and using my existing knowledge. but it didn’t turn out like i hoped it would be.

and i think i need to consider my career options more carefully before i take the leap again.

i hated my last job for many reasons:

  • management red tape
  • job scope too heavy for me
  • could not do job well without sacrificing all personal time
  • asked to work on personal time without compensation, long work hours even though office hours are slated to be normal 9 – 6.30pm
  • often expected to/have to work weekends, holidays (new year’s eve…wtf)
  • bad mentor
  • expensive and hard to travel to, bad traffic, hard to get off island during night time
  • pay too low, too much work for my pay grade
  • shitty resources, especially in I.T., often have to resort to own resource in order to get work done. for example, community colour printer is hard to access but important to have and use, time wasting to use, community scanner is at odd location, requisition of tools required too much time.

i liked it because:

  • nice work environment & colleagues
  • pay on time…lol

i did marketing and interactive media but most of the time i was just managing opinions, like how to convey something to an agency, and i had very little control over what should be done based on unrealistic budgets. for instance, making a whole international campaign, and then assigning very small budget to the mechanism itself, to sustain the campaign…

i was not good at my job. communication with the agencies was horrible, i was very careless and i often treaded on toes of others. i am a brusque person, i got too comfortable with people who appeared friendly but in reality was not, and offended one person who made me feel very humiliated. when i was about to leave i also got very mouthy and told a lot of people i shouldn’t have that i was leaving

i left with a few grudges, especially against my department. i felt like my job title was not descriptive of my work load, and i felt so over worked all the time. i took sick leave, stayed at home and work, just so i could use a computer that didn’t suck dick.

the policies of the company were so tiring, and my tasks were never clear to me. eventually, i slacked off, ignoring most requests my manager made of me, delaying my working again and again because i realized it was that, or i just have to work sat and sun to finish the work.

i vetted a lot of art work, but at the end of the day it was what my manager says that counts. my opinion mattered very little, no matter how hard i tried to justify it. i felt very boxed in, i did not appreciate the kind of quality of work the company was producing in terms of media, and the advertising was always so complicated.  i received mixed directions from different people, when problems occurred my reputation for being careless made them automatically my fault. while i was in the branding department i was actually doing a good portion of communications, which was fine but made me confused.

in addition, while i went in hoping to improve things at my old company, i found the foundation and infrastructure of the IT environment so poorly done that it was impossible to do anything from within marketing. IT department was pure desktop support and did not help with the situation. anything that needed to be done had to be discussed on the radar, filed in black – they were so overworked too that they just did not have the energy to help with things that would actually benefit the company.

my ideal job would be:

  • 5 days work week, period.
  • job scope is specialized.
  • location is near train station.
  • IT resources are reasonable and as per needed by job.
  • able to feedback to management and see effect directly.
  • min. 30k/yr
  • opportunities for career advancement is laid out during initial contract.
  • OT or cab claim.

i really don’t know if i want to continue in marketing, creative and web media. i know i am good at those things, but my last job at that company has really destroyed my confidence. my friend told me i have so much raw talent that it doesn’t make any sense for me to be unsuccessful. but i recognize there are some innate problems with my personality which i have to be accountable for.

skills i have picked up from my last job:

  • writing creative briefs
  • project management
  • community management
  • events organization
  • branding

so i guess i can capitalize on those things…

ahhh what to dooooooo

one response to where do i begin

  1. vans  ??? half cab Says:
    October 11th, 2014 at 7:04 pm

    vans  ??? half cab


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