Archive for March, 2011


i’m pro abortion but sometimes, the non-apologists of this school make me angry.

i felt very strongly in writing this because i have known some people who, if they had not have abortions, would have had miserable lives. but every single one of them have felt a guilt, that is natural and important, that makes them human. yet some people say that they shouldn’t feel it.

i am a pro abortionist. but unlike some of my fellow pro-abortionists, i am not unapologetic about abortions.

my cousin was 17 when she got pregnant with her first child.

without asking her, her parents arranged for a marriage with the child’s father. she gave birth to the child, and then another, before finally divorcing her abusive husband. she left the home and has not seen her first 2 kids since.

her kids grew up with no mother, a drunkard for a father, and a broken idea of what family, home, marriage, love, life means. i know this because i know what kind of family my cousin married into, and those weren’t good people. she could not be around to protect them, shelter them, teach or love them. she could not be around at all.

throughout the whole ordeal, she was never given the option of abortion. she was never asked.


i believe in abortion because the sin in ending the promise of life, pregnancy, is far exceeded by the consequence of an inability to care and nurture that promise into fruition – long after my own life ends.

because i  strongly believe that women are afforded enough contraceptive options to avoid being pregnant in the first place

because  a woman who is pregnant and does not wish to be, must only be pregnant because of circumstances beyond her control. rape. abuse. sex trade/slavery. society. things that only the world can change.

but here we are, educated women, with the education and information that so permeates our world,  playing russian roulette with their birth control pills, trying their luck when a condom isn’t around or preferred, “being too drunk to say no”, aborting and saying they are not sorry?

pregnant because they were too lazy? too horny? too stupid?

wearing their abortion like a flag, like something to be proud of, saying they are not sorry - when it is their irresponsibility that brings them to prematurely end a life, before it really begins?

oral contraceptives have a 5% failure rate. lunelle injections, are monthly, and have a 0.1%-1% failure rate. pull out sometimes, cum in the ass, in the mouth, face, whatever, but stay on the pill this whole time and you have got to be really fucking unlucky to be pregnant when you don’t want to be.

be fucking responsible.

but using abortion as anything else other than a last resort is disgusting.

telling people that you are not sorry for your abortion when you don’t even practice what is needed to STAY unpregnant, while there are those of us who have been raped, who live in areas of the world where women don’t even have this bloody right to choose, is disgusting.

be human. UNDERSTAND THAT AN ABORTION IS A SAD THING.  a last resort. a painful choice no one should ever need to make.

and stop portraying it as your natural right to “choose”. your ancestors did not fight and die so you can trivialize your abortions.

you should be sorry. i am, even though i know it was the right thing for you to do.



fuck my fucking life


okay i dont know who did what to make my life so shitty but PLEASE, DEAR LORD, STOP MAKING 2011 SO SHITTY

list of shitty things that has happened to me this yr:

  1. shitty new year’s eve
  2. shitty chinese new year
  3. shitty valentine’s day
  4. shitty joblessness
  5. shitty relationship drama
  6. broke as shit (flat broke)
  7. got so fat its lulzworthy
  8. bf not around no moar
  9. depression and panic attacks where i feel like committing suicide
  10. chipped my tooth (TODAY FUCK MY LIFE)
  11. broke my pc (TODAY, FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE)
  12. broke my little toe falling down (TODAY. FUCK. MY. FUCKING. LIFE)
  13. lost 3 friends – 3 people who know me separately just STOPPED being my friends. ALL AT THE SAME TIME.)
  14. suck at gaming so much that i want to kill myself, no matter how hard i try i still fucking fail ALL DAY

jan feb i pretty much spent most nights bawling my eyes out, feb almost every night i was crying about some stupid shit, and omg i dont even UNDERSTAND how i became such a fucking loser








MY 2011



not a single good thing happened to me pretty much.





new hair (AGAIN~) and my silly silly day

i parted my fringe from right to left :P ASTOUNDING CHANGE AMIRITE?!?!?



soo tiredddd XD

special thanks to Matthew & Mirez

i just wanna say thanks to the kind wishes from Matthew & Mirez, who commented on my last despondent post; having people reach out to me through this blog is a genuine surprise and cheers me up to an absurd degree. i have very poor self-esteem and am kinda socially awkward. a lot of people don’t understand this about me and think i am kidding when i talk about my fears and unhappiness, so i don’t have many friends that i hang out with or talk to. which is usually OK, but because nothing in my life is going right – be it work, money, family, or my relationship with my boyfriend – i’ve really plunged into a deep, ultra lonely depression for what seems like the entire 2011 so far.

at the moment, i no longer have any one to lean on. and when strangers on the internet care enough to leave me a sentence or two, it means the world to me. really. =)

so thank you, you two, for brightening my day. you are good people.


to be honest though, that horrible mood of worthlessness lingered throughout the last week. the reason is simple. i felt like i was losing my boyfriend and i really needed to secure the relationship through something, so i decided to work on my appearance. 3 or so weeks ago i started working out, swimming on a semi-regular basis and walking my dog quite aggressively, and i shed a fair bit of weight. but because of that, i have been religiously deprieving myself of junk food comforts that i relied on to make unhappy feelings go away (it was really a choice between alcohol or a sugar high, and the latter is much cheaper). but 2 days ago i had a huge fight with my parents and hit a bit of a rock bottom, so i devoured a box of timtams (DOUBLE CHOCOLATE YO) and half a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Newyorkfatpersonfudge ice cream and finally, i am a lot less emo!

talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. heh. its either be a chubster and happy, or be prettier and totally super emo. FML

one of my not-so-close friends noticed how much insanely emo shit i have been posting on my facebook and started some kind of social service to cheer me up; we used to always be hi-bye friends, and even online, we didn’t chat much since i seldom reply to msn messages… but the last week he has been pretty much sending me quotes on being happy via MSN on a daily basis. today, he caught me on MSN at 5am and asked me to go…:


at seletar reservoir.

ooooookay. i wasn’t quite sure how to say ‘no’ to that, and when he mentioned “cold beer” and “free ride” i just had to say yes.

it was creepy. like, imagine being at a big, open lake, fucking coldass air, and bushes that move by themselves. the lights were flickering, and i was relieved as hell when daybreak came around. i literally sat there for like 4 hours, and had nothing to do but listen to britney spear’s femme fatale over and over again. i didn’t really have much to say to anyone there, since i didn’t know anybody and they all seemed to be friends, so i just sat there and smiled whenever anyone said anything to me.

couldn’t really take any photos too, since it was fucking dark and all i had was my iphone. but just imagine staring at a much darker version of this for 4 hours:

uhhh. yeah.

the gang of people were fishing at the pier, which i think is a spot right next to the dam, and yeah of course nobody caught any fish. i think the fishing was just an excuse to sit at a secluded spot and drink beer.


to be fair, seletar reservoir is kinda nice after the lights come up. the place starts looking considerably less eerie, and surprisingly clean, which is a mean feat for a park



so because i ate shit tons of choco i had to go work it off. after the fruitless fishing trip that turned out totally useless, i decided to go swimming at my suburb’s swimming pool – sengkang swimming complex.

look, its so fucking cool:


it’s only $1.50 per entry.

place has kid slides, timed water buckets, kid and adult jacuzzis, etc.

and the ultimate irony – this swimming complex also has a 24-hour mcdonalds with a DRIVE THROUGH:

i guess that’s the facilities management’s sense of humour at work here.

i also got my ssc card <3


cheaper entries! yipee!!!


on the ride home, saw this graffiti:

and i smiled. the world was nice again.


nyx round lipgloss swatches;

okay i undeleted my blog.

and bought LIPGLOSSES!


turns out i got 5 lipglosses and not 6, i suck at math haha. i really just wanted a clear lip gloss and i hate the way this one smells right now so probably will get another one :X

and since i always find it useful when people swatch their makeup, thought i would swatch mine too. i got:

  1. nyx baby pink
  2. nyx sorbet
  3. nyx apricot
  4. nyx african queen

i got baby pink and sorbet even though they are really close because i was curious about the difference. turns out baby pink is actually sorta nudey frosty finish and sorbet is more pink and has sparkles in it. i kinda like the way the lips look when you wipe off sorbet, so i am pretty happy with it

apricot looked orange and a bit like a coral but went on pink, resembles my natural blush, and i really~ want apricot as a cheek tint.

loooooooooveeeee ittttttt, see how the colour blends so well onto my lip’s inner flesh?! man! thats just A+!

african queen is purple straight up in the tube and when sheer on the lips, just a nice bold magenta. its like a more saturated version of my baby pink raspberry lipgloss that i miss SO FUCKING MUCH. i wish i knew where to find it in singapore.

i’m pretty happy with everything except for the smell of the lipglosses (weird detergenty and cough syrupy smells) and i dont really fancy “baby pink” but its a pretty good deal for $5 SGD each

and then i camwhored.

yeah i went swimming with this make up on, with goggles doing 25 laps, it actually stayed on. amazing.


i’ve started watching GSL again now that my favourite casters are holding the helm fully – i’ve stopped playing GSL and sc2 for a while now and have been playing league of legends, but i am getting a bit restless and want to go back to sc2, or at least watching the pro matches. so yay! happiness! forgot how to play sc2 though, i only remember the 2 rax fe 4 rax timing and fast hellion builds but manmanman i don’t know what the meta is at all, so i am nervous playing 1v1 again. but hurhurhur gonna reinstall sc2 right now.


hokay more blog tomorrow i bet, i have a new mission to take photos every day