blog.weissdom.com

maybe im not a good person

weissweiss — Thu, 10 May 2012 15:59:29 +0000

i have a genuine complaint about my personality; i seem to get pushed around alot. i blame this on my incredibly obtuse set of moral codes. for example: in work, i will negotiate prices based on what i perceive as my client’s wealth, so the prices go up and down; same way for when negotiating salaries in my past full-time jobs, as i tend to go lower based on what i think i can be paid. at the end of the day what this has achieved is: i get shortchanged. SEVERELY. i overdo work and get underpaid REGULARLY. all because i try to HELP the client BEFORE i try to make money whenever i issue quotes.

like the last time i was unfairly treated at work, and i had ALL THIS EVIDENCE to TURN THE MOTHER FUCKING BITCHES in, i had ALL THIS POWER AT MY HANDS: photocopies of contracts between illegal immigrants, hours log with taxi receipts with hours BEYOND MOE max hour sanctions, LOG SHEETS with MY SIGNATURE on it, FRAUDULENT FINANCIAL RECORD SUBMISSION EVIDENCE, every piece of evidence, and i could have just turned them in, but i didnt do it. i didnt do it because i thought about the bitch’s daughter, her husband, the people i work with, the poor little Myanmar girl’s life and i didnt do it.

i dont regret that, but could you imagine? if i wasnt a good person, how many lives i would have wrecked?

and thats a running trend. I HAVE BEEN BULLIED MY WHOLE LIFE. IN EVERY WAY.

not NOTHING beats what i have gone through with my fucking relationship. first i settle for someone based on faith, then i let him treat me badly because i have faith that he’s the same person who i met, and from then on he bullies me non-stop because there is basically no consequence for doing so. i threatened to leave him over minor and major things over the 2 years of the relationship but my personality made it so that my threats were all EMPTY. if i was a harder ass, i think, i would have just not started the relationship and save me all this trouble of a broken heart and confused brain

so now it appears to me, that i have a choice to be made. i can either stop being bullied and stand up for myself, punish the people who SHOULD be punished, and just use whatever raw talent/power i have at my hands to gain satisfaction

because it has become apparent to me that while this blog started out as a way for me to work through my need for ragewriting, it has become a formidable asset. i have successfully hit page1 on specific targeted searches on niche topics, which is the EASIEST form of SEO possible, simply because of how OLD and LINKED blog.weissdom.com is. it REALLY is.

with great power comes great responsibility, right? and hell hath no fury than a woman scorned, right? so if you find out the fucking slut who approached your (then) bf claiming to want nothing more than studying, then makes the retarded proposal of LIVING with him, then once you break up officially with him, tells him tons of fucking flirty ‘OMG I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU’ bs, then goes on and pretty much basically hits the shit out of him,…basically proposes to go to vegas on my birthday PRETTY MUCH on PURPOSE and all this fucking slutty shit, if you basically find out you were right all along

i have the power to punish this whore

all i have to do is write her full name

all i have to do is upload this shit

thats all i need to do

thats all

so why am i not doing it?

is being a good person more important to me than getting emotional satisfaction?

am i willing to be bullied AGAIN after this biggest crock of bullshit i have ever witnessed in my life?

so maybe im not a good person after all

because i REALLY dont see a reason for me to not do this right now.

craycray level from 1-10 right now: over 9000

BECAUSE IM SICK OF BEING BULLIED. ESPECIALLY BY SOMEONE I GAVE THE BEST OF MY YEARS TO. ESPECIALLY BY SOMEONE WHO I NEVER TRUSTED, NEVER LIKED, AND DESTROYED MY LIFE BY PROXY.

and seeing i have done nothing but make empty threats regarding these 2 for the last 8 months, i really think it might be time to stand up for myself.

…if only i didnt have a heart that is pretty much made out of GOLD. THAT is the MERCY fate gave YOU, yue, and that is more than what YOU ever gave ME.

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i WISH i was a bad person

weissweiss — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 23:42:53 +0000

I REALLY WISH I WAS

I WISH I WOULD JUST BE MALICIOUS AND FUCKING TAKE REVENGE

FUCKING POST SECRETS

FUCKING RUIN LIVES

WHY NOT

MY OWN LIFE WAS RUINED ANYWAY

BUT NO

IM NOT A BAD PERSON

I WISH I WAS A BAD PERSON

BAD PEOPLE DONT SUFFER

THEY JUST MOVE ON WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

THEY JUST DESTROY YOUR LIVES AND ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.

THEY JUST LEAVE YOU ALONE TO DEAL WITH YOUR SADNESS.

THEY SAY THEY NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU AND YET EVERY THING THEY DO THAT HURTS YOU, THEY KEEP DOING IT.

THEY CARE MORE ABOUT ****** THEMSELVES ******** THAN OTHERS.

BAD PEOPLE SHOULD SUFFER

IF THERE IS KARMA I PRAY IT WILL HIT THEM SOME DAY.

BUT THERE’S PROBABLY NO KARMA BECAUSE LOOK AT ME

LOVE SOMEONE

AND IT GOES TO WASTE.

STUCK IN REVERSE.

STUCK IN A HELL HOLE.

STUCK.

MAN FUCK YOU.

ALL ABOUT YOU.

ALWAYS ABOUT YOU.

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Protected: huh. #4

weissweiss — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 12:31:52 +0000

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the satisfaction of crafting

weissweiss — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 16:44:34 +0000

making stuff is FUN!

i actually remade my lightbox because i was very unsatisfied with the way it folded. it was filmsy and at constant risk of falling apart. now it fits nicely behind my shelves:

i drilled holes through the frames to create a scaffold that would collapse NP.

after making the lightbox, i had a soothing realisation that the architecture of things are beautifully deliberate and logical in creation. as a designer i have always believed that structure was as vital as aesthetics. the thought process of my little DIYs really reaffirm that belief.

there’s nothing quite like sketching and creating these things. the magic of an idea manifested in material terms. it’s getting super addictive.

now, when i want something, i always think: can i make this on my own?

turns out, i was in luck with my most recent need!

i needed to clear some drawer space to store my current work (so much printing going on right now).

so i decided to build a nail shelf:

all i did was hotglue boards my bf bought for me at daiso. can you believe that if i bought a nail polish display off-the-shelf it would have cost $40?

we spent $8 on the materials for this one :D next thing to do: paint it pink! and i’ll be done!

i never realised how many nail polishes i have…

its really great to do something with your own hands.

its the same amazing feeling i get when i see my designs come to life; like when my sites go from psd to alpha to beta then to live – or when my layouts get printed and distributed at stands, or when my adverts are published.

and if i am being honest with myself, crafting feels a lot better. its something that no one else has – and belongs only to me

thats the real joy of creation.

anyway. i had my first menu photoshoot last fri. it was AWESOME!

can you believe this:

turns into this? :

(this is one of the uglier photos; to protect the interest of my client i am not uploading any of the good ones)

i shot over 13 dishes in 6 hours. it was a very trying experience. maybe i will blog about it when i have the time.

man, i am so tired. i did some major derp and scheduled an appointment for next weds on this weds instead and made a trip down to the venue for nothing.

got a deadline for tomorrow D: 4 projects due this week D: D: D:

booooooo. better go wash off and call it a night. i have so much shit to blog about and not enough time to do it. sigh.

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the hunger games movie + nail polishes

weissweiss — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 11:14:22 +0000

i went to watch the movie premiere of The Hunger Games and i have A LOT of disagreeable thoughts on the movie, so this post will be a giant rant. but first, the bimbo stuff:

China Glaze did a series on the Hunger Games districts and i grabbed 3 very pretty polishes:

they are really pretty and make me smile. i mainly got them because a) i am a huge fan of the ‘verse and b) i’m trying to be more girly. worked.

i wore this to the premiere:

(BTW, i bleached my hair to this orange-blonde colour.)

i put this gorgeous capitol-representing flakie top coat, luxe&lush, on a nyx gray – i thought it was pretty appropriate and fit in with my district 12 look i was dressed all miney and wore hella drabby colours.

and now… onto the rant:

i am really, really glad i read The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins long before i ever knew about the movie. because i could not be any more disappointed with the movie.

as an avid fiction reader, i truly believe that stories only come alive when great storytelling is at play and how one can determine if a film, book or even game is worthy of one’s time can solely be based on the manner of which the story was told. so imagine my excitement when i found out that one of the most engaging books i have ever had the pleasure to read was coming alive on the silver screens. and the dread that followed with the realization that hollywood might screw up. hard.

as a matter of fact, t’was this series that revived my interest in rapid consumption of contemporary fiction. i spent one full day devouring the series and went on to spend my days amused by the witty repertoire of Artemis Fowl, re-reading Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy and finally got to starting – and loving – the all-too-famous Enders’ Game series.

so to say that i LOVE The Hunger Games is a gross understatement. it was the spark that got my love of good story telling and prose going again. and for that reason alone made me respect the story behind it even more.

i. adore. the first book. it was a remarkable tale with characters that just leaped off the page; and as a lover of dystopian realms (therefore the obsession with 1984 when i was 12 and pretty much every sci-fi story afterwards), the plot truly engaged me. but what made the book all too awesome was the protagonist’s extremely believable narrative voice and perspective. it breathed life into the Panem ‘verse; to me, Panem was every much as awesome in black & white as the Serenity ‘verse was on screen.

but sadly, it all fell and felt painfully flat in the movie. a great story that was told so poorly that i cringe at the memory of it.

i was seriously dumbfounded by the level of conceit present in the screenplay; i would have accepted the omission of key characters and details if it contributed to a greater cinema experience, but it was so poorly done and incomprehensibly pieced together that i wondered if the geniuses behind the Twilight “Saga” had something to do with this trainwreck of The Hunger Games.

Characters rapidly entered and exited the plot without ANY explanation of their purpose and significance; the relationships between districts so shittily established; ZERO mention of district 13; NO FUCKING IDEA who is this white haired dude named President Snow (whose name was only mentioned ONCE ) or even a SENSE of the POWER he wields; CGI budget spent on scenes that don’t matter (REALLY? THE CONTROL ROOM FOR THE ARENA? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? how about a close up of a trackerjacker? or a mockingjay? or the all-too-poignant faces of the wolfmutts?!?)

this entire movie was a FUCKING JOKE!

a 3-year-old would have done better spending 2.5 hours re-enacting the book with sock puppets.

and maybe what ticked me off the most was the fact that the key first minute of the film, as a lead-in to the story, the producers decided, it was OK to use Century Gothic to set the tone for the film.

Century. Fucking. Gothic.

totally suits it. it just showed how LITTLE care they had. its like me using helvetica neue for every client i fucking hate. because i could care less about the message they are trying to send and what the artwork looks like at the end of the day.

great things take time and love. and there wasn’t enough of either to make Hunger Games come alive in 2012, nor enough for me to restore faith in Hollywood. the only other blockbuster i will be going to this year will be The Avengers, and only because, true to the kind of dedication that went into Douglas Adams’ screenplay for the 2005 HitchHikers’ Guide to the Galaxy, Joss Whedon won’t fuck up like Suzanne Collins and her moneygrabbing posies did.

and this film just confirms why book 2 and 3 of the Hunger Games just felt progressively shittier. she wrote it for money. not for the verse.

congratulations Suzanne Collins, you managed to take pure gold of a story and reduced it into all-purpose superficial airhead bimbo fangirl-raising fluff.

man, fuck Suzanne Collins and Lions’ Gate. i’m going to make it a point to boycott any of their shit from now on. see if a single cent of mine goes into either of their pockets.

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im the queen of DIY

weissweiss — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 01:18:36 +0000

so, this was my dressing area 5 months ago:

aaaaaaaand, this is my dressing area today!

PRETTY RIGHT?! its a little piece of heaven where i know and can see every piece of cute clothing i own.
and i did it all by myself!!

mom was like, “wtf, you know how to use a drill and do carpentry things?”
to which i replied, “with the power of youtube and google, anyone can do anything, mom.”

other improvements after the Great Cleanup of 2010:

new curtains: after 12 fucking years. finally!

clothes rail in my bookshelves = new ‘wardrobe’ – WALK-IN, at that! HAHAHA!

pure win. the only thing that is stopping this wardrobe thing from looking super good is the varied hanger styles. D:

and of course, shoes rack that i made myself :) with 4 pairs of shoes missing but w/e

my dressing mirror + the other wall with necklaces and mail + lingerie drawers
(yeye all 3 drawers and tbh there ain’t enough space:P)

NEW CLOTHES :) THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER BOUGHT IF MY ROOM STILL LOOKED LIKE IT DID 5 MONTHS AGO D:

and the little shelves with my toiletries and a bigger space for my day-bag. you can totally see what my priorities are, can’t you?

and of course, my insane collection of over 200 books (and this is only insane because of the PRICE per book would suggest i spent over 3k in fictional books alone D:), of which i have had to retire half to my cupboards. thank god for the ipad? how the fuck else would i have been able to build my little piece of heaven AND still burn through my average of 10 books monthly? i was only able to fit about 100 of them here

and while i am still doing this, i guess i ought to do the rest of my room, so…

my baller duo monitor set up with blackwidow ultimate + my new razer mousepad+spectre :)
i also have 3 lights for work that i built myself, whee!

and because i am at my computer 90% of the time i’m in the room, all my makeup sits…

…on top of my cpu tower. i glued magnets onto lightweight clear containers with cotton pads+ buds in them and stuck them onto the casing at areas where i had empty bays. HUE.

and cos i have a million headbands due to my sad, sad love for gossip girl, i made a stand out of card board with strawberries printed on it

+ extra stash that i don’t normally use, or use while in bed

and because i am such a girl, flowers! so pretty.

i crown myself queen of diy.

i have like 2k photos (literally) from the 6 months emo-induced blog hiatus. i don’t know if i can handle this backlog, but hey… one blog post at a time!.

yeaaaah.

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playing with lighting…

weissweiss — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 22:20:53 +0000

…is fun.

doing some prep work for a new client and since i am going to be shooting loads of food photos i have to build a light tent!

this took me longer than it should and made me realise 2 things:
1) i have a lot of patience
2) if i was left stranded on an island and attempted to build a boat it would probably sink the moment it left shore.

so much to say so little time! so i wont even try! FFFFFFFFFFF UUUUUU REAAAAAAL LIFEEEEEEEE

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Diablo III Beta: U JELLY?!

weissweiss — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 16:17:12 +0000

i finally did it.

i finally got on to the mother fucking BNet servers this afternoon and conquered the beta. all thanks to mr. mark yu, aka benefactor of sorts who brought me great pleasure via the sharing of his Diablo III beta!

this glorious loading screen actually took me 3 days to get past. i mean, every single time i tried, BNet locked me out with a “unavailable” message. i was most sadface.

but no one can deny the birth of Illyana, the Demon Hunter!! >:D

her oufit has some elements of my… uh… slut uniforms

i love her!! i initially thought it was going to be a weak class in comparison to the others, considering that the agility is a nonfactor when fighting against mobs of monsters – and while i was enjoying myself, my damage did feel kinda weaksauce for a hero…until i found this:

and afterwards, i 1 shotted every skeleton, bola-shotting every mob made for easy money.

only took me 1hour+ to beat it – and really, i am extremely surprised at how EASY these first few chapters are – but i played it for SEVERAL hours afterwards trying out various skill comps and blacksmithing, wondering if there was a way to salvage item parts like in most RPG’s, and of course, checking out all the stats on my loot!

needless to say, i was pretty disappointed by the length of the beta. the lootwhore in me just needed more dungeons to slash-hack through!!

i attempted the last mission/quest several times, but i only got gold loot the first time – so i think this is a standard quest reward.

tried out co-op mode, which was a pleasant surprise – no loot sharing – in fact, i think the loot is better because the minions are supposed to be harder. and that loot companion really made things much more fun, too.

Demon Hunters are for PVP!

watching other people play other classes in the co-op opened my eyes to what they could do. it felt a lot like the demon hunter was going to be more suited for PvP and would very gear dependent - more so than the others. for instance, at my beta-end game i could only get a max of ~22 attk per second compared to ~38 dps on mark’s mage. but the difference is the demand of my dps is very easily balanced out by the mechanics of the demon hunter – her rage-dependent skills are fairly lowcost and spammable because of how fast she replenishes her rage. so even though my base damage is low, it doesn’t really matter because i can sustain the DPS. not to mention the fact that i have shitty weapons and wasn’t even maxing out my armor for +attack. i reckon i can hit ~48 dmg/s easily if i had shifted my gear to be DPS centric.

i really enjoyed her agility and found the mechanics to be a lot less slash-hack than, say, the barbarian. it took some positioning to conquer the mobs sometimes and i am pretty happy to say that i didn’t die until after i beat the beta, when i was experimenting with double bows and checking the armor effects possible.

ONE THING’S FOR SURE – when the auction house opens during release, the most expensive weapons are going to be bows.

Diablo III = pro game design

i love how seamless the questing interface was and i very much enjoyed listening to the lore as i collected books and encountered new species. having been a student of game design, i can really appreciate the brilliance behind the kind of non-intrusive narrative utilized in D3. most RPG’s tend to make users acknowledge quest through repeated dialogs and force user attention through quest text and lore that can be a pain in the ass to weedle through. but in D3, the designers took into account that forcing a user to read text or isolate quest objectives creates disconnects that make gameplay a chore. i never felt like that playing d3.

i reckon i will be playing witch doctor next, but oh boy – i cannot wait for d3 to release!!!

thanks again, mark! you are awesome for sharing.

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rainy sunday~

weissweiss — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 18:52:39 +0000

sunday is a good day to spend with family, so off we went to Xian Seafood.

fucking sand floor yeye. and the view was muy bien.

but alas, the food was pretty shit.

even this australian crab that was $52/kg tasted like trash!! and the manager was very, very rude. condescending snotfaced old person.

no wonder popeyes’ was so crowded. the queue for this shit went 2 times around da block.

but i choose icecream instead. =] BE ORIGINAL!

om nom durian.

okay.

oh and dis was the face i was rocking today.

maybe i will get lucky tomorrow and the fucking diablo3 server WONT be down.

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love in a hopeless place

weissweiss — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 21:52:15 +0000

i am a vampire. :D

i generally detest wearing lip colour because i can never really find something that is close to my natural lip colour. the nude shades wash me out, the reds make me look like i am 80, and all of them eventually fade anyways. so i just normally put on the clear stuff and thats it.

but i have a super soft spot for dark colours on my lips! especially the ones that make me look all arggghhh and stuff. like if you took one step towards me i would bite the fuck off your head. i am well aware that dark berries and deep velvets aren’t the most fashionable colours. do i give a shit?

nope, ‘cos i’m a mother fucking vampire!

anyway, since i haven’t been posting i thought i should. there’s been a lot going on in my life; having been sick this week though i have been given social reprieve and basically resting in bed. but idleness does not bode too well for a brokenhearted psycho, so i have revived my dirty little habit of retail therapy and got a metal mania palette =]

i like it! its really shimmery and has a lot of good neutral colours. a lot of purples and pinks makes me a happy person. that, and also glitter, as witnessed by my hella glitterati nails

TRASHY!

i have been buying so much make up related stuff, i really should do a post with all this stuff. its kinda funny how i was never the kind of chick who would take care of her appearance, and now i am just mad in love with moisturizers and body creams and yada yada. i scrub my face religiously now and have been brushing my hair every day. i got into a slight panic last week because my sister said i was balding (!!!?). apparently i have something of a bald spot behind, slight and not very noticeable, which made me really upset. but then i realised the bald spot was caused by overly vigorous pulling - my hair used to be so tangled that i pulled out too much of my hair whenever i did comb it (which was like a once a month thing during the last 2 months where i was super depressed). now though i condition my hair every time i shower and i comb through every morning and night.

its been a weird month so far, sometimes i feel super brave and other times i feel hopeless. music has been a great recourse for me, so has been the reading. nothing beats cuddling in bed with thousands of books in this little thing:

thank god for the ipad.

i finally caught up on some sci fi titles i have been DYING to read for the longest time, picking up the latest addition to the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy “trilogy” – which led me into the whole artemis fowl series. then there’s also ender’s game, which i have been meaning to read for a while now, plus some contemporary fiction titles from John Greene. i really love reading, i miss it so much, and the iPad is the lowest cost reading device available to me at the moment – with the PACE i read at (i clear at least 2 400-500 pagers per day), the iBooks library is filled with so many ePub books that it might have already paid for the iPad in value.

not to mention the fact that there are newer publications available as apps or newsstands mags, like ars technical, popular science, all of which i ALWAYS wanted to read but have never been able to due to lack of availability in singapore:

what thrilled me the most was finding all these resources to enrich my failing brain. there’s a dose of prose for every emotion i could possibly have. so much so that i am seriously considering getting another iPad as the current one is mostly residing with my dad. we had bought him the iPad as a Father’s Day gift and he has been using it every evening since, albeit for the wrong purpose – he is addicted to the Casino app, and has currently racked up $765,000 in the roulette and jackpot games -_-

but because of my recent discovery of the reading material available on the iPad, i have been robbing the damn thing. i feel bad about it, but at the same time… sometimes the reading is the only thing that keeps me OK.

i would be reading on my stupid piece of shit macbook if it was kicking and alive though. but nope. shit out of luck there.

MACBOOK Y U NO LOVE ME?

sigh.

oh, and i decided to change my blog to grey so it correctly reflects the colour of my soul. YEAHHHHHHHHHHH NGAAAA