i finally got on to the mother fucking BNet servers this afternoon and conquered the beta. all thanks to mr. mark yu, aka benefactor of sorts who brought me great pleasure via the sharing of his Diablo III beta!

this glorious loading screen actually took me 3 days to get past. i mean, every single time i tried, BNet locked me out with a “unavailable” message. i was most sadface.

but no one can deny the birth of Illyana, the Demon Hunter!! >:D

her oufit has some elements of my… uh… slut uniforms 

i love her!!  i initially thought it was going to be a weak class in comparison to the others, considering that the agility is a nonfactor when fighting against mobs of monsters – and while i was enjoying myself, my damage did feel kinda weaksauce for a hero…until i found this:

and afterwards, i 1 shotted every skeleton, bola-shotting every mob made for easy money.

only took me 1hour+ to beat it – and really, i am extremely surprised at how EASY these first few chapters are – but i played it for SEVERAL hours afterwards trying out various skill comps and blacksmithing, wondering if there was a way to salvage item parts like in most RPG’s, and of course, checking out all the stats on my loot!

needless to say, i was pretty disappointed by the length of the beta. the lootwhore in me just needed more dungeons to slash-hack through!!

i attempted the last mission/quest several times, but i only got gold loot the first time – so i think this is a standard quest reward.

tried out co-op mode, which was a pleasant surprise – no loot sharing – in fact, i think the loot is better because the minions are supposed to be harder. and that loot companion really made things much more fun, too.

Demon Hunters are for PVP!

watching other people play other classes in the co-op opened my eyes to what they could do. it felt a lot like the demon hunter was going to be more suited for PvP and would very gear dependent - more so than the others. for instance, at my beta-end game i could only get a max of ~22 attk per second compared to ~38 dps on mark’s mage. but the difference is the demand of my dps is very easily balanced out by the mechanics of the demon hunter – her rage-dependent skills are fairly lowcost and spammable because of how fast she replenishes her rage. so even though my base damage is low, it doesn’t really matter because i can sustain the DPS. not to mention the fact that i have shitty weapons and wasn’t even maxing out my armor for +attack. i reckon i can hit ~48 dmg/s easily if i had shifted my gear to be DPS centric.

i really enjoyed her agility and found the mechanics to be a lot less slash-hack than, say, the barbarian. it took some positioning to conquer the mobs sometimes and i am pretty happy to say that i didn’t die until after i beat the beta, when i was experimenting with double bows and checking the armor effects possible.

ONE THING’S FOR SURE – when the auction house opens during release, the most expensive weapons are going to be bows.

Diablo III = pro game design

i love how seamless the questing interface was and i very much enjoyed listening to the lore as i collected books and encountered new species. having been a student of game design, i can really appreciate the brilliance behind the kind of non-intrusive narrative utilized in D3. most RPG’s tend to make users acknowledge quest through repeated dialogs and force user attention through quest text and lore that can be a pain in the ass to weedle through. but in D3, the designers took into account that forcing a user to read text or isolate quest objectives creates disconnects that make gameplay a chore. i never felt like that playing d3.

i reckon i will be playing witch doctor next, but oh boy – i cannot wait for d3 to release!!!

thanks again, mark!  you are awesome for sharing.

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fucking sand floor yeye. and the view was muy bien.

but alas, the food was pretty shit.

even this australian crab that was $52/kg tasted like trash!! and the manager was very, very rude. condescending snotfaced old person.

no wonder popeyes’ was so crowded. the queue for this shit went 2 times around da block.

but i choose icecream instead. =] BE ORIGINAL!

om nom durian.

okay.

oh and dis was the face i was rocking today.

maybe i will get lucky tomorrow and the fucking diablo3 server WONT be down.

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i am a vampire. :D

i generally detest  wearing lip colour because i can never really find something that is close to my natural lip colour. the nude shades wash me out, the reds make me look like i am 80, and all of them eventually fade anyways. so i just normally put on the clear stuff and thats it.

but i have a super soft spot for dark colours on my lips! especially the ones that make me look all arggghhh and stuff. like if you took one step towards me i would bite the fuck off your head. i am well aware that dark berries and deep velvets aren’t the most fashionable colours. do i give a shit?

nope, ‘cos i’m a mother fucking vampire!

anyway, since i haven’t been posting i thought i should. there’s been a lot going on in my life; having been sick this week though i have been given social reprieve and basically resting in bed. but idleness does not bode too well for a brokenhearted psycho, so i have revived my dirty little habit of retail therapy and got a metal mania palette =]

i like it! its really shimmery and has a lot of good neutral colours. a lot of purples and pinks makes me a happy person. that, and also glitter, as witnessed by my hella glitterati nails

TRASHY!

i have been buying so much make up related stuff, i really should do a post with all this stuff. its kinda funny how i was never the kind of chick who would take care of her appearance, and now i am just mad in love with moisturizers and body creams and yada yada. i scrub my face religiously now and have been brushing my hair every day. i got into a slight panic last week because my sister said i was balding (!!!?). apparently i have something of a bald spot behind, slight and not very noticeable, which made me really upset. but then i realised the bald spot was caused by overly vigorous pulling  - my hair used to be so tangled that i pulled out too much of my hair whenever i did comb it (which was like a once a month thing during the last 2 months where i was super depressed). now though i condition my hair every time i shower and i comb through every morning and night.

its been a weird month so far, sometimes i feel super brave and other times i feel hopeless. music has been a great recourse for me, so has been the reading. nothing beats cuddling in bed with thousands of books in this little thing:

thank god for the ipad.

i finally caught up on some sci fi titles i have been DYING to read for the longest time, picking up the latest addition to the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy “trilogy” – which led me into the whole artemis fowl series. then there’s also ender’s game, which i have been meaning to read for a while now, plus some contemporary fiction titles from John Greene. i really love reading, i miss it so much, and the iPad is the lowest cost  reading device available to me at the moment – with the PACE i read at (i clear at least 2 400-500 pagers per day), the iBooks library is filled with so many ePub books that it might have already paid for the iPad in value.

not to mention the fact that there are newer publications available as apps or newsstands mags, like ars technical, popular science, all of which i ALWAYS wanted to read but have never been able to due to lack of availability in singapore:

what thrilled me the most was finding all these resources to enrich my failing brain. there’s a dose of prose for every emotion i could possibly have. so much so that i am seriously considering getting another iPad as the current one is mostly residing with my dad. we had bought him the iPad as a Father’s Day gift and he has been using it every evening since, albeit for the wrong purpose – he is addicted to the Casino app, and has currently racked up $765,000 in the roulette and jackpot games -_-

but because of my recent discovery of the reading material available on the iPad, i have been robbing the damn thing. i feel bad about it, but at the same time… sometimes the reading is the only thing that keeps me OK.

i would be reading on my stupid piece of shit macbook if it was kicking and alive though. but nope. shit out of luck there.

MACBOOK Y U NO LOVE ME?

sigh.

oh, and i decided to change my blog to grey so it correctly reflects the colour of my soul. YEAHHHHHHHHHHH NGAAAA

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thanks ADSL! 

anyways, been hooked on playing teemo the last couple of days. i am a tragic AD, i tend to feed unless there is a taric babysitting me, which is really weird because all the ADs are suppose to do is last hit and auto attack, both of which don’t seem too hard. BUT REALLY! i chicken out on every AD i have ever played, never go into a 1v1 because of a foreboding sense of defeat

but 1v1s are my FAVOURITE with captain teemo! with him, killing anyone 1v1 seems like the most natural thing. and the best part of all this shit is instead of spending money on wards, i just get wriggles AND shrooms and hellooooo, map control!!! epic shroom jukes start from 6, crazy jungle invasion at blue with shrooms is muy fun, and the BEST part is laying down the little mushrooms wayyyyyy before a team fight and watching it unfold JUST as i predicted, thereby giving my team the advantage.

there seems to be a general lack of respect for teemo in the league community, most find him not viable as a carry be it AD or AP, and find his kit lackluster. the truth is, there is no other hero like teemo. there are many prime picks above him, but those picks are based on the assumption of a controlled game where carries do get fed and supports have complete ward coverage consistently and tanks protect the dps from death. THAT scenario is rarer than rare. in team comps where 1 tank 1 ad 1 ap 1 offtank 1 support AREN’T the template, teemo HAS to have a place in it. he harrasses well enough early game to help garner early kills, keeps shrooms in lanes during mid game pre-oracle for mapcontrol that opens windows for ganks and jungle control, then if endgame does come, he is so bloody strong that its bullshit. his speed is unparalleled and the mobility lets him build lane pressure safely while shrooms protect him or set him up for ganks. he is not as easy to shut down as people may imagine, because an oracle will affect his map control, but 1 oracle cannot roam the whole map, and if that 1 oracle is shutting you down that easily, then your game was already shit anyway

teemo is hella squishy though, and watching other people play him i realise that he has to be an assasin character that picks his targets and stick with them till the very end. if he can draw away a carry from the fight, or force the enemy team to focus him – then his job is done correctly. the only problem with this is his inability to survive a focus, but given all the advantages of his kit, i would NOT trade anything for an escape. teemo is a planned character. you plan how you go in and out a fight, and if you calculate it correctly, you’ll live

long story short: captain teemo reporting for duty son. prepare to be shroomed!!!

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finally did the right thing and cleaned my room of all the nonsense that reminded me of him, that includes 9 cards, a truck load of lingerie and the last dead bouquet that was given with no sincerity whatsoever… detoxing my life through cleaning!!

this is probabbabbababalyyy the first nightttt that i have been soberrrr in a while. not bad. working out pretty well for me.

noteworthy thoughts of the week:

- clubs need to stop trying to make “pumped up kicks” into a dance song. not gonna work
- Delilah has a hot voice
- Shyvana is fucking OP. atmogs Shyvana with frozen mallet = ???  riot?
- i realise that dating is not fun at all, people say stupid shit and i don’t really care about what they are trying to tell me.
- if you ever need to raise your self esteem, sign up for online dating. get insta attention from guys of ALL kinds. i mean really, there was a guy who was old enough to be my dad who wrote me a ton of sweet emails. how cute.
- i am still a fucking bitch. i never replied to anyone .. HAHAHA
- i suck at singing now
- successfully stopped stalking ex bf, didn’t feel the temptation to call/text/read old emails, was unfazed when i stumbled upon old pix of him in my skype video thingy.
- edrama is stupid especially when it involves kids
- videogamedunkey is my league of legends friend. YEAHHH!!!!! MEATWADSPRITE!!!!  ^O^
- oh god ignore my loss streak. going against tryhards in solo queue=p
- glitter on eyeballs = not fun
- i got locked out of the house for 3 hours today, what i figured out about life was astounding. 1) all my neighbours speak teochew 2) tiny ants don’t let no big ants pass just cos they are big, they actually trample all over the big ants and tell the bitches to die
- the new snsd song video makes me horny.
- the ultimate compliment to me nowadays is being carded, and I HAVE BEEN CARDED. TWICE. LAST WEEK. WHAAAAAAATTTT
- no matter what happens to me in life, i still have ma calves and my perennial baby face. thanks, genes! =]

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between the silences, all i heard, was “i love you”.

i love you too. we’ll be okay on our own.

it was a pleasure to have been yours.

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if you don’t love me, don’t say you do… or that you always will.

if you don’t want me, don’t say you don’t know

you don’t have to justify why

just say it.

because you were my best friend for a long time

friends don’t lie to each other

even though now you aren’t anymore

you still owe it to me

to not lie to me.

dong ma?

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since leaving my last work place i have felt a sickening injustice about my life

believing in my personal moral code and principles have seem to get me nowhere.

i came in touch with my peers in the time since and i found myself in even more jaded eyes.

there is envy in the words i had exchanged.

i came back a slightly different person.

i had envisioned a life for me when i was 25;

sadly that life has been nothing near than an illusion, a mirage.

i am not sure what i did wrong, although i am now convinced that i never did anything right.

its times like this that make me look in the mirror and wonder when this all ends,

and whatever the after life is, i would not know, but it surely could not be worse

and lonelier i feel, sadder i become. tears roll and i get emotional; its all too familiar a feeling.

i think this is what they call depression. i feel an insurmountable force in every step of my life, every little detail;

i have given up eating, given up trying

i don’t go out of the house and i don’t leave my room unless i need to pee or shit

often the thought of showering tires me, let alone washing my face, brushing my teeth,

i am afraid to wake up and i always want to sleep

and i feel a disappointment when i open my eyes, knowing that i can’t continue pretending everything is OK

i thought that when people go through a near-death experience they sober up

for some reason i really wish i was killed by the asshole speeding at a zebra crossing

i wasn’t even afraid when it happened, when it came dashing at me

how interesting was it to have a moment of no fear;

instead i walked away with an inconsequential head wound and no excuse for who i am

knowing that whatever happened to me was nothing

no one would be concerned

nobody would say a thing.

and i was right.

why didn’t you just kill me that day god?

i just feel like there is nothing left in this world that i can make better or wants me for who i am

because lets face it

i dont want who i am

blaming people is always fun but i got to look at the facts

i chose to live my life this way; when people who raised me said “no” i said “no” right back to them

i always did what i wanted, what i liked,

so its very strange to see now that i don’t want anything, i don’t like anything

there’s no passion, compassion, interest

just a lethargic need to fill the space between sleeping and waking

the days go on and on and on

every day passes on to another

sometimes i don’t see day time at all, although that is not very strange for me, since at the last job i was working so late that i really never saw daytime except for 5 minutes or so

i really question my decisions. i know part of me is sticking to the guns for speaking my mind and

standing up for people i love and respect

but bearing the price of it has become much too painful

every thing i have done

really

no excuses

has just been mistakes

so i guess its my cross to bear

my problem to be alone

my tears to roll on the face

i am so sick of CRYING

i am so SICK OF THIS

i am so TIRED OF BEING ANGRY AND SAD

I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY

but happiness is always FLEETING

it comes in pockets, bursts,

it makes me smile for an hour,

but there are 24 hours in a day

so that’s another 23 to deal with.

i can’t get anything done.

although people who have met me in my better days have been kind to me

and jobs have come in

and money is here and i don’t need to worry about it

i can’t get myself to do the jobs

i only disappoint people who trusted me

who thought i was reliable

im so sorry to every one who has ever given me a chance

i turned out to be a sore disappointment

i always thought that god gave me a brain to think with

but i think i was wrong

i should have just done..

what everyone has told me to do

because everything i have done is wrong.

and that’s why i am this way today.

ain’t nobody’s fault but my own.

so can i die now?

there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a person

something that nothing, no one can help

something i can’t grasp and something i can’t change because i can’t recognise

i just know

nothing about me

is right.

and im ready to raise the white flag

hang up the tower

bring on the noose

somebody help me

anybody

really.

whether to die or live

i do not really care

just want this to be over

just never want to feel this way again

its like ground hog’s day

except way worse

because i am alone.

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