tokidoki desktop wallpaper

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ahh! blog? what!!!

vomit. wrote half a blog post but lost it cos of genius fail internet. i am really frustrated with the home network, i can’t tell if it is my adsl modem which is dying or the router, and since i am equally fond of both so i don’t know which one to replace first, or even to get back the same models.

the symptoms are quite clear cut – it is clearly a hardware problem – the network gets too congested, probably from the countless p2p requests from the video streaming programmes my mother and sisters like to run.

i am trying to promote more use of the internet as entertainment center in the house, so i am really hoping to fix the issue altogether.

there’s some budgetary issues at hand tho. i did pay for both pieces of hardware about 4 years ago, and i was extremely pleased with the amount i spent (about $300+) – but this time around,  i definitely can’t afford to put down that money. i also don’t want to. i can’t always pay for everything that the house needs that is I.T related, especially since no one else takes responsibility for downtime on anything. there’ve been days where i am not around, and they don’t even hard reset the router when the connection is down.

the ridiculous thing is my sister and brother both took networking classes at school. i learnt what i know from googling.

anyway this weekend was just plain horrible. yyx had some horrible news which completely changed his life (and to me, our lives). essentially, so bad, that it defined anxiety in my life. worse than feeling bankrupt, actually almost going close to being bankrupt, missing multiple deadlines during my last semester, getting a gpa so bad that i had to have multiple A’s to salvage it – the stress and emotional feedback i felt, just to be in that position – i never want to be in again.

its so surreal. one moment i felt like i could never be the same again, and the next, i was given a whole new fucking lease of life. and it wasn’t even really a problem for me per se.

this weekend i realized that i care really deeply about him. i felt responsible for his problems, and i went to a whole new level of self-blame, even going as far as to believing i am a jinx; at the same time i am disappointed that he thinks my life and his are 2 seperate entities – as far as i am concerned, in a relationship, if nothing else, you share your lives. you care for each other, you take each other through your troubles and joys – you make a life together.

enough about the emo stuff tho. everything else since yesterday has been wonderful, i had an awesome day with miss wang, my sister & mom, ate curry baked rice & realized that cheese pizza is made out of pure fat?? watched parts of ye wen 2 with my mom and discussed the movie, taught my mom how to spell AUDIENCE like 5 times & uh yeah.